Some couple’s meet and there is never any problems with your partner’s parent’s or family in general. Then you have the opposite where they have either never liked you or up until a certain point in the relationship they start having a problem with you. This creates a major conflict in most couple’s life’s, if the outside dislike from the in-laws wasn’t there then you wouldn’t be arguing or stressing at all, usually this causing major conflict between you and can often if allowed to break you up.
No in-law/in-laws should be allowed to do this unchecked by your partner ever!!! Yes you can grow up close to your parents and siblings etc, when you become an adult and start earning, have your own home/car and pay your own bill’s, then you get to make the decision on who your dating/marry/long term partner whatever your situation may be. Your an adult who has to make there own family unit just like your parent’s did when they raised you, without there opinion on the choice or style of relationship and what goes on in that relationship. If your partner’s parent’s are causing your relationship to suffer then your partner need’s to stand up for you, open his mouth and shut it down, the longer your partner doesn’t do this the more it will go on and on as they are being allowed to do it.
It doesn’t matter how much we love and respect our parents, because if they are hating on your partner then they are not respecting you or showing there love for you and being happy for you, your partner or family/future family. Our parents may not agree with our choice in partner but they don’t get to pick and choose who we are with, we made our own adult choice and that is final. When we do this we are creating our own family unit and that’s why you choose your partner and/or children/future children each time. Just like your parents made the choice to be together and have there family, you have the right to do this also.
Never tell your parents or family members any negative stuff that goes on in your relationship, this twists there views either from loving your partner to disliking your partner, when the bad times pass you and your partner by and you have forgotten or forgiven them, your family won’t. This creates issues even further.
You can still be close to your parents, yet still put your foot down and stick up for your partner at the same time. Would you rather have continued argument’s with your partner that could lead to you breaking up for good, rather than saying politely to your parents that what they are doing or saying is unacceptable and you won’t stand for it.
As a parent myself I have to alway’s respect my children decision’s even if I might not agree with them, they will learn a lesson if it don’t succeed, I will alway’s be there to help when I’m asked for that help. As a parent you want to help fix a problem your children are having not make it worse. Also as a wife we have alway’s had each other’s back when it came to parents trying to get involved in our relationship or even how to parent our children. Yes it’s hard to say back off but it worked. They can have a strong opinion on any part of our family life but we don’t need to hear, we certainly don’t ask for it. I would never want my children to suffer because of my actions and negativity.
If your the partner receiving negativity from in-laws then yes stand up for yourself in the moment, by that I mean if your criticised to your face politely say this is how you do thing’s but thank you for suggestion. Don’t start a war of words, it won’t get you anywhere. Tell your partner right away that you won’t accept this, they needs to tell them to back off and shut up (politely of course), if they are a sit on the fence, don’t know what to do or simply won’t stand up for you, then you need to put your foot down in order for them to do it with there parents. The longer they leave it unchecked the more it will slowly eat away at your relationship. The quicker it’s dealt with the easier for it to end and your relationship with your partner’s parents/family can be resolved and you all move on.
Remember your the adult and you get to make the choices in your life no one else. Don’t risk losing the love of your life, the parent to your children/future children over your parent’s/family members opinions and negativity towards your partner. It’s not disrespectful to parents to tell them to stop it, but it is disrespectful of your parents to do it in the first place.
If you need any further advice on a in-laws situation, please contact me via email on firstname.lastname@example.org