Some couple’s meet and there is never any problems with your partner’s parent’s or family in general. Then you have the opposite where they have either never liked you or up until a certain point in the relationship they start having a problem with you. This creates a major conflict in most couple’s life’s, if the outside dislike from the in-laws wasn’t there then you wouldn’t be arguing or stressing at all, usually this causing major conflict between you and can often if allowed to break you up.
No in-law/in-laws should be allowed to do this unchecked by your partner ever!!! Yes you can grow up close to your parents and siblings etc, when you become an adult and start earning, have your own home/car and pay your own bill’s, then you get to make the decision on who your dating/marry/long term partner whatever your situation may be. Your an adult who has to make there own family unit just like your parent’s did when they raised you, without there opinion on the choice or style of relationship and what goes on in that relationship. If your partner’s parent’s are causing your relationship to suffer then your partner need’s to stand up for you, open his mouth and shut it down, the longer your partner doesn’t do this the more it will go on and on as they are being allowed to do it.
It doesn’t matter how much we love and respect our parents, because if they are hating on your partner then they are not respecting you or showing there love for you and being happy for you, your partner or family/future family. Our parents may not agree with our choice in partner but they don’t get to pick and choose who we are with, we made our own adult choice and that is final. When we do this we are creating our own family unit and that’s why you choose your partner and/or children/future children each time. Just like your parents made the choice to be together and have there family, you have the right to do this also.
Never tell your parents or family members any negative stuff that goes on in your relationship, this twists there views either from loving your partner to disliking your partner, when the bad times pass you and your partner by and you have forgotten or forgiven them, your family won’t. This creates issues even further.
You can still be close to your parents, yet still put your foot down and stick up for your partner at the same time. Would you rather have continued argument’s with your partner that could lead to you breaking up for good, rather than saying politely to your parents that what they are doing or saying is unacceptable and you won’t stand for it.
As a parent myself I have to alway’s respect my children decision’s even if I might not agree with them, they will learn a lesson if it don’t succeed, I will alway’s be there to help when I’m asked for that help. As a parent you want to help fix a problem your children are having not make it worse. Also as a wife we have alway’s had each other’s back when it came to parents trying to get involved in our relationship or even how to parent our children. Yes it’s hard to say back off but it worked. They can have a strong opinion on any part of our family life but we don’t need to hear, we certainly don’t ask for it. I would never want my children to suffer because of my actions and negativity.
If your the partner receiving negativity from in-laws then yes stand up for yourself in the moment, by that I mean if your criticised to your face politely say this is how you do thing’s but thank you for suggestion. Don’t start a war of words, it won’t get you anywhere. Tell your partner right away that you won’t accept this, they needs to tell them to back off and shut up (politely of course), if they are a sit on the fence, don’t know what to do or simply won’t stand up for you, then you need to put your foot down in order for them to do it with there parents. The longer they leave it unchecked the more it will slowly eat away at your relationship. The quicker it’s dealt with the easier for it to end and your relationship with your partner’s parents/family can be resolved and you all move on.
Remember your the adult and you get to make the choices in your life no one else. Don’t risk losing the love of your life, the parent to your children/future children over your parent’s/family members opinions and negativity towards your partner. It’s not disrespectful to parents to tell them to stop it, but it is disrespectful of your parents to do it in the first place.
If you need any further advice on a in-laws situation, please contact me via email on firstname.lastname@example.org
My wife and I have been married 6 year’s and have 2 small children. She goes out of town for overnight stays often for her job, I had no problem and trust my wife completely. Until yesterday when I went on the computer and my wife had left a work folder open, I clicked on it and found it contained images of both nude pictures my wife had sent and received to another man, after checking her email I found a confirmation email from a hotel that she had been away to for business recently and it was for 2 adults. I confronted her about it and she admitted that she had been talking to a client from work and things had turned sexual in nature, she then said she lied about the last business trip and she had spent the night in the hotel room with the other male, she said everything apart from sex happened. I believed her and she begged for forgiveness and said she would have no further contact with him. She was also very upset that had I snooped through her personal stuff, to which I said sorry for doing. Fast forward a few month’s and I see a message from the client guy flash up on my wife’s screen and she quickly swiped it away and went up the stairs, I waited until she was asleep and I went into her phone to find more dirty message exchanges and a nude picture she had sent to the same client she had cheated on him me with. It’s been a few day’s and I haven’t said anything to her as I’m scared that I will lose not only my wife but my kids and home. What should I do????
Wow what a bitch, sorry but she has done multiple thing’s so wrong here that it may already be to late to salvage any marriage you may have had before this happened. I don’t know how you have kept this in for 4 day’s and not erupted, which in it’s self is not good as your holding in the pain, hurt and anger and that’s not good in the long run. You trusted your wife and she’s broken this over and over again at this point, she has exchanged dirty messages and nude pictures with another man, then met up with him and shared a hotel with him, 100% believe she had sex with him at the hotel, you don’t exchange steamy messages and pictures, book a hotel, then get to the hotel and do everything but have sex, what was the point in staying in a hotel then as it’s supposedly the first physical contact they have had so it’s game on all about the sex, that’s the main goal for meeting not fooling around abit. She has also been manipulative towards you not just by lying over and over again and going behind your back, but the fact she turned it around on you for snooping is wrong, you technically weren’t snooping you found the file already up on the computer, even so it’s deflecting away from her and what she’s done and turning it on you and you even say sorry for it, like you have anything to be sorry for at that point and now. You may not want to confront her due to fear off losing everything is clouding your judgement and reality at this point, she’s cheated once that you know off, lied that she cut it off, then continued to do it. This is the worse scenario in a cheating situation due to the fact it’s a continuous affair at this point, these almost end a relationship/marriage as there becomes a point where it’s unforgivable, she’s been caught once and owned upto what she thinks won’t end your marriage by saying no sex was involved, that’s where it should have ended and where it usually ends, but she’s continued it on so did she ever stop? Highly doubtful, did she only ever meet him once? For a one time no sex meeting she’s willing to risk her marriage and kids there family life situation for just that? Again highly doubtful, she could have been meeting him for month’s before you found out and only had the specific date of that hotel and from the date you found out. If you do not confront this head on then your going to lose anyway as your the one that’s going to send yourself crazy over thinking every little thing she does, every time she goes out the door your going to be freaking out wondering all sorts. It’s not worth your own sanity! As I’ve stated this has gone way further than a normal cheating spouse situation, she’s been caught and yet continued to do it so she has no respect for you and your marriage at this point. You may be able to forgive again and move on but how do you ever trust anything that she says moving forward? I would get the other man’s phone number and call him ask him the questions you need to, he may or may hang up, but he will immediately contact her to tell her, which she’s going to ask you, so you then say but I thought you weren’t in contact with this man? Then make out that the further stuff you know has come from the other man not from snooping. Relationship’s/marriage goes through all sorts of challenges and it’s all about how you deal with those challenges, in saying that there’s some that you can never get past or over.
1. It’s not always a deal breaker, for some it straight up ends your relationship, for other’s it’s maybe not, they may want to stay and work through it. So either way you go don’t think it’s the wrong choice.
2. There are many different types of cheating, there’s texting/talking/exchange of pictures to one/multiple other people, regardless of how you started again in person or online, then there’s the one time cheating, this could either be one night stand or a few week’s build up, then there’s the continued affair even after being caught you continue to keep doing it.
3. Each scenario in question 2 are extremely hurtful, the 1st one is the lesser form of cheating as there was no physical contact, yet there was intent on contact, the second is worse as there has been contact in either form of on the spot choice/mistake or a small build up to the sex, these two are more easier (not that any cheating is easy) than the third to work to overcome, the third is almost a lost battle as this is a continuous affair not just straight up cheating but affair, there are more feelings, lying and sneaking involved to affairs, these are all harder to forgive in the long run as the trust is completely shattered and is highly unlikely to repair that again.
4. Once the initial shock, anger and hurt is out of the way, you’ve had your argument/talk, add up the severity of all they have done, if you have decided to leave then great, if you have decided to stay and work on it then great as well, but once you decide to stay then you need to never mention the cheating again (the partner cheated on mostly) especially when it’s in an argument! The reason for this is you can’t choose to forgive and stay then threw it back in there face every time there’s an argument, you haven’t forgiven then as your still bringing it up when your angry, when you choose to forgive it doesn’t mean you automatically forget obviously, but there’s a difference in having a normal discussion with your partner about your feelings and how there cheating affected not only you but the relationship as a whole, compared to only bringing it up in an argument. Two different things, 1 your having a discussion with each other, the other one is done in anger and undoes everything you’ve both worked onto get this far. Therefore don’t bring it up unless it’s a discussion with your partner, if you choose to forgive then that’s what you must do and you haven’t forgiven them if your still battering them over the head with it.
5. It’s one of the hardest to overcome, some cheaters realize there mistakes and it’s enough to snap them back to reality over the thought of losing you, other’s are just plain serial cheats who never learn a lesson and continue to do it. To spot the difference isn’t so easy but it can be as you have to look at the whole relationship and how they have treated you, if they are a natural dickhead/bitch to you or the relationship then there unlikely to change and will most likely do it again, if they genuinely made a mistake and realise the error of that mistake then there’s hope in them not doing it again.
6. It’s important to remember we all as humans make mistakes in life some small other’s massive, but it’s how we deal with those mistakes and how we fix the damage from them that really counts. I’m a strong believer in receiving 1 forgiveness for a mistake made, yes we can cheat and it be a massive mistake that we regret and would do anything to correct. The second time you make the same mistake then it’s unforgivable as you never learned the first time round and your just going to keep repeating those mistakes, the important thing to remember is when the same mistake happens twice it’s no longer a mistake but a action or choice to make.
7. If your in a long term relationship with no long term ties that bind you, then leave point blank as you can walk away free now, if it happens again in the future you may not be so lucky as you may be married with children then.
8. Try and not let anyone else know if possible, as this creates even more issues on top of what your already trying to deal with, then your getting someone outside the relationship’s opinions on what you should and shouldn’t do, this can also impact whatever view they have on your partner going forward and essentially ruin there relationship, this is only if your staying. If your leaving then you can tell the world as your no longer trying to salvage a relationship with your now ex partner.
9. Never involve your children in this, they do not need to suffer as a result of adult decision’s regardless of the situation of staying or leaving.